Terrace

Sitting near death approaching
Heaving chest mouth open aghast to breathe
Fingertips are bleeding
Pulsating, my arms are just a sleeve
Peeling, my lips are tender
Staring down the barrel of my bottle across on the sill

Sheltering from crying, picking the face
Feeling anxious in any case
Avoiding eyes
Avoiding mine
Sowed in the corners of the room
Nectar pools from moons ago

My legs are of my chair
My shoulder’s in my ear

Incubated in a world of victim seeking
We should just tell them what we feel
And call that free
Freezing, my fear in lucid dreaming
I can feel my thighs and fists clench for a fight they just can’t seize, no, I’m
Weary, my tongue is on the ceiling
Staring down the barrel of a pharynx that’s ready to kill

But you’re not the same as yesterday
And I wish I’d just sit sane

Avoiding eyes
Avoiding mine
Sowed in the corners of the room
Nectar pools from moons ago

My legs are of my chair
My shoulder’s in my ear

We’re not the same as yesterday
I wish I’d just sit sane
Thank God, we’re not the same as yesterday
I wish could just sit sane

I began scheming this song while visiting my grandfather in a rehabilitation center with my extended family — there were a lot of cool little one-liners that were showing up in my brain that encapsulated how unnerving-yet-lesson-learning this moment was. I jotted them all down on a Google Doc when I got home and formed the instrumental around it. I struggled the most with the form: I had each stanza done, and then struggled for a while to order them into an arrangement that felt right (I also ended up deleting what was the chorus — just too many elements to deal with). So let me know if that worked out well for new ears….

Then I thought, “I could use a Neon Chef stipulation for this,” and found this assignment, which formed a really nice basis for this song to fit around. Found the poem of the day, “Best Laid” by Maureen McLaid, where she discusses what it means to be emotionally free. Threw a line in the song, “And call that free”.

• Alternative
• Indie Rock