Sunbeam
Mar 17, 2024
EliasSZ
Mostly Melody
Not sure if this is what the final production would work to sound like or if this is more of a demo. I started liking the roughness of it, though, so I tried to lean into that. I’d made my guitar mic super hot to try and record from a bit of a distance and get some natural reverb, but instead got the bleed-in of the atmospheric sounds, and the outdoors through my window I left open, the sound of people moving around and conversations coming in, the church bells on my street 2 minutes before the hour, and cars zipping by. Used a field recording of a Bed-Stuy afternoon a buddy of mine took to flesh out that. The takes aren’t perfect or exactly lined up, but I kinda like that sound, though had trouble making it feel intentional.
One big take away is that I need to buy a pop-filter, I don’t seem to know where mine went hahaha.
Lyrics:
Your words are like a sunbeam, a heat that I can feel
I hold on while I can my fingers leaking like a sieve until I give up
Your syntax meant to hold me, your sentences complete
Completely passing through me while I found a way to hide in pregnant pauses
In your clauses, please be mine
I’m like your cat, I’m lucky that you’re mine
Sometimes I show it, while sometimes I just try
To tell you I love you but instead I hear my whine
But mostly all I want is to love you side-by-side
With my paws out, pull my claws in, please be mine
I try to call your name, but I can’t remember how
It’s not that I forget the sounds, just can’t convince the breath to leave my lungs
I lie there in your sunlight, just trying to absorb
Osmosis seeps its way into me, suddenly I’m filled up by your
Sweetness, completeness, I’ll be fine
I don’t know how to whisper words or paw at doors or ask for food or ask for more or ask for you to hold my hand
I don’t know how to whisper all the things I want to do, and I just want to yell out all the things I want to do with you
I’m stuck in corners, shadows, closets, bedsheets, curtains, stuck in nooks and crannies, under cars, in drawers and cabinets,
I’m stuck in hiding, stuck in trees, stuck in places I can squeeze, in cardboard boxes, and just in-between your knees
And I’m trying not to show you all the things I know would only bring you down
I’m like your cat, I’m lucky that you’re mine
Sometimes I show it, while sometimes I just try
To tell you I love you but instead I hear my whine
Still all I want is to love you side-by-side
With my paws out, pull my claws in, please be mine
Looking for feedback on
Did the raw, intimate, imprecise sorta style sound at all intentional or just sloppy? How can I improve that? Alternatively, any favorite lyrics or lyrics that stood out in a not great way?
Discussion
alechutson March 24, 2024 3:10pm
I’m into the ambient sounds, I would maybe even lean into it more 👀
Carseat March 18, 2024 3:15pm
Ooooo this is such an interesting submission. I like its roughness… I see what you mean in your feedback remarks though, and I will say that I have also struggled with the balance of clean+rough in my mixes and production. For this tune, I found it hard to hear the downbeat of 1 given the unquantized guitar (especially with such an open rhythm) and vocal double, so in some way, giving the song a stronger wall to lean on would help it move along. That could be making the vocals super strong, adding a bass, adding some Radiohead-esque drums, etc. Almost like a spoken-word tune. I like it.
Ben March 18, 2024 4:35pm
I’m gonna disagree with @@Carseat(ooooooh!) on the adding drums and bass—I liked the low-fi, unquantized hot New York summer feel to this whole thing. That said, if it’s being kept simple, I find shorter to be better—I could see this as a great ~2 minute interlude on an album to cool off after an intense song.