Dreams in the Promised Land
Feb 25, 2024
stonewindow
Dream Weaver
I was late to submit last cycle I did get it in late.
Glad to get this one in on time.
I went through 2 different ideas that didn’t work. I wanted to have an asymmetrical rhythm, but couldn’t phrase the lyric. I came up with this idea last night and worked on it this afternoon. All my submissions are live demos. I think I can tighten it up in time.
I think I tend to sing some words too long, it’s a bad habit. I did it here as well. This version is obviously rough, but I’m grateful for this platform to push my songwriting chops. I’m always glad to have some improvisation part of the assignment…. I tend to do it regardless.
Lyric:
Dreams in the promised land
Fear in my dreams
I’m broke in my dreams
I fail in my dreams
Friends in my dreams
Family in your dreams
Don’t do it in your dreams
I did it in my dream
I flew in my dream
Ps I love dreams. I dream almost every morning. I believe I work out much of my anxiety in my dreams. Have you ever flown in a dream? It’s spectacular and terrifying when I have.
Looking for feedback on
Do I sing some words for too long? Should I attempt a bridge? All feedback of vocal phrasing is welcome. Thanks for listening.
Discussion
Rmal March 4, 2024 8:10pm
Love the stripped down sound. Feels early Neil Young. Like how you carry the words – not too long at all. It’s the tone of the song.
stonewindow March 6, 2024 11:35am
Thank you!
alechutson March 2, 2024 6:27pm
Really digging the guitar instrumental sections and voicings! I think in terms of vocal phrasing, I always find it easier to improvise melodies first and then fit words to those melodies after, which gives me a chance to experiment and keep things fresh as the song evolves. Great job overall, looking forward to hearing your next submission
stonewindow March 3, 2024 11:36am
Thank you Alec. Do you start with chords before you improvise the melody? Thanks for your input and kind words.
alechutson March 3, 2024 1:36pm
Often yes, but sometimes I like to switch things up and do them in a way I haven’t before
Ryan March 2, 2024 12:35pm
Always such unique chord voicings from you, Brit! And I love this lyric sheet. Reads like a poem. The harmonic shift on “I did it in my dream” and the delivery of that line is awesome—there’s a unique gravity to that moment. Something like pride.
The length of the words didn’t bother me, but try shortening some up and see how you feel! I don’t think you need a bridge. The music break kind of serves as one. This feels more like a scored poem. A more harmonically colorful and melodic Patti Smith kind of thing. This is cool, man.
stonewindow March 2, 2024 5:46pm
Thanks for your kind words Ryan. I’m working on it still. Really appreciate all of the thoughtful feedback from fellow chefs. I’m sure setting my Grandmother’s poems is an influential part of this process. I think the last line will be “I fly in my dreams”
stonewindow March 2, 2024 5:52pm
Thanks for your positive feedback on the chord voicings. Been working on that for a while now.
EliasSZ February 29, 2024 7:16pm
I’ve never flown in a dream – I’m jealous.
I tend to think about the length of time I give a word when singing in terms of whether I want it emphasized or to last or to be a word (or even just a sound) that that a listener latches on to. I think @@Carseat hits a really nice idea about adding little melodies to certain held out words so that they’re not just sitting in one place.
stonewindow February 29, 2024 8:54pm
Nice to meet you here. Thanks for chiming in for my song. I appreciate your feedback. Thom York will be emulating my phrasing when I’ve tightened up these vocals.
stonewindow February 29, 2024 8:55pm
Oh shit it’s Yorke.
Carseat February 26, 2024 11:21am
Hey! Nice to meet you. Love the foundation that this song has — the guitar licks are awesome and definitely add a lot to the energy here.
I definitely hear you on the vocal-word-length — it’s not a bad thing at all, I was actually thinking more that creating little vocal melodies during the held out notes would create a lovely Thom-Yorke-sorta-soaring vibe that would add a nice dimension to this.
And yea dreams are weird — lots of emotion-sorting happens for me too…. they’re so weird.
Ben February 26, 2024 10:31am
Nice work on this! I love that it ends with the flying. It’s a hopeful final line, but more importantly, it’s the best part of dreaming.
I assume you tracked guitar and voice at the same time? This is giving Mountain Goats or The Microphones (at least based on what I know of them).
I think your self-criticism is actually pretty spot on. See what it sounds like to keep certain words more snappy. That said, your delivery of “familyyyyy” is pretty great. Similarly, or alternatively, maybe try experimenting with the strumming patterns or the chord sustain. I can imagine the long words sounding pretty good over a simple single strum of a chord.
As for the bridge, it kind of sounds like you already do have one right? From around 0:57 – 1:17. It serves as a good separator of the two verses, but my advice would be to either shorten it by 50% or add vocals to it.
But ok, the real question here is: are we talking about prolonged low-gravity jumping flying, swimming thru the air flying, or superman flying?
stonewindow February 26, 2024 10:49am
Thank so much Ben! I think that’s when I did some improvising, trying to keep it all diatonic and moving. Good advice on the strum pattern.
Yes, this was a live take, playing guitar and singing at the same time.
Flying low, worried about crashing into the trees just below, kinda like trying to write songs haha. It’s a rare dream. And as in all my dreams there is a fraught element.
stonewindow February 26, 2024 1:18pm
Ben-
Whats the reference to Mountain Goats or Microphones ? Thanks